This Toronto woman suffered a brain injury and forgot everything — including her family

Nesh Pillay can be seen above, beside her daughter (right) (pillay.nesh/Instagram)

In October, Toronto mother and entrepreneur Nesh Pillay suffered a traumatic brain injury and forgot everything – including her fiance and six-year-old daughter.

“In the beginning, I'm told my memory would often reset once a minute,” Pillay told CTV News Toronto Sunday. “It was really scary.”

Pillay said she woke up in her bedroom in October, confused and without any memory. She says her doctors informed her she likely hit her head on her headboard. To this day, she says she's not entirely sure what happened.

The traumatic brain injured Pillay was suffering from wasn’t her first. It wasn't even the worst one she's had, she said.

Rather, the October incident was just one of a number of brain injuries she's suffered throughout her life, starting with a car accident when she was nine, that have resulted in a “compounding head injury.” The worst incident, she explained, was a concussion in 2019 that took nearly six months to recover from.

“With each concussion, the recovery is longer and longer,” she said.

According to Brain Injury Canada, 456 people every day—or one every three minutes—suffer a traumatic brain injury across the country. By 2031, the neurological condition is expected to be among the most common affecting Canadians, it states. Brain injuries affect every part of a person's life, the organization says, and can include changes to a patient's independence, abilities, work, and relationships with family, friends, and caregivers.

"Since a brain injury differs from person to person and recovery depends on several factors, in many cases, it’s difficult to know what long-term behavioural, cognitive, physical or emotional effects there will be."

When Pillay came to consciousness after the October accident, she says she was suffering from amnesia, and believed herself to be 17-years-old. She said she had forgotten her partner and her daughter, and could not retain memories. 

Now, Pillay is using TikTok to share the journey of her recovery with nearly 40,000 followers.

MEMORY LOSS

Pillay doesn’t remember much from the early days of recovery – she says the month prior to the accident and two months following are lost.

“What I do remember is the feeling of panic – it’s just constant fear when your memories reset once a minute, especially when you think you're 17, but suddenly you're an adult, and your sisters are adults, and you're told you have a child,” she explained. “It was a lot to process.”

After being discharged from the hospital, Pillay says her parents took her in, as she couldn’t function safely alone. To aid Pillay’s understanding, her parents had her write down in a notebook that she had hurt her head, that she was safe and at her parent’s home, that she’d been to the hospital, and that she needed to focus on resting.

“I've been told my memory would reset so often that I would stare at that piece of paper for hours at a time because, by the time I had read it to the bottom, I’d forget it again,” she said.

“My family jokingly called me ‘10 second Tom,” she added, referencing the 2004 romantic comedy ‘50 First Dates.’

While many of her abilities have returned, Pillay said there are still some things she can’t – and may never be able to – do. Currently, she said she has to limit her time spent outside of her home, can't go anywhere too loud, and often has to wear noise-canceling headphones, she said. She also said can no longer do math equations, and that the way she has dreamed has changed since the accident.

She categorizes her new life into "good brain days" and "bad brain days"—she called the day she interviewed with CTV News Toronto a "good brain day."

After a few weeks spent resting, Pillay said she hadn’t been able to tell many friends or acquaintances what had happened to her, as the phone calls and communications required too much mental energy.

So, she said she decided to challenge herself to make a TikTok explaining her situation and detailing her road to recovery – a small task that she could work on a little every day.

She says, in total, it took her about 10 hours to edit her first video, which has since garnered over 800,000 views.

 

@pillay.nesh EVERYTHINGS FINE BRAIN INJURIES ARE FUNNY MEMORY LOSS IS FUNNY HAHAHAHH IM OK. #traumaticbraininjuryawareness #memoryloss #traumaticbraininjury #traumahumor #torontoblogger #southafricancomedy ♬ original sound - Nesh Pillay

Since sharing that video, she’s continued to document her journey on the social media platform. In one video, Pillay’s partner and mother can be heard explaining to her that she has a child and a boyfriend. 

@pillay.nesh Honestly I couldn’t remember how to add captions, though I’ve done it before and I’m sure it’s really simple. #concussion #brainmoments #traumaticbraininjuryawareness #memoryloss #traumaticbraininjury #traumahumor #torontoblogger ♬ Winter / Chill / R & B_No517 - table_1

Her most viewed video, with over 3 million views at the time of publication, shows Pillay mistaking her partner for an Uber driver – something she said occurred numerous times during her recovery. She then details the couple’s enduring love story.

“While I didn't remember my partner and thought he was an Uber driver or hired help, I always recognized him as a safe person,” she recalled. “While I lost memories, my emotions kind of remained.”

@pillay.nesh #CapCut ♬ Somewhere Over The Rainbow_What A Wonderful World - Israel Kamakawiwo'ole

The process of sharing has helped her to find a silver lining in her injury and has made her feel less alone, she said.

“I don't want to think of this as a sad and scary thing because that's too much to process.”

A RETURN TO ‘NORMAL’

As Pillay began to slowly regain memory, she was able to return to a degree of “normality.”

She moved in with her fiance and daughter, and is beginning to process the “trauma and grief” experienced by her entire family.

“Having your mom forget you is extremely traumatic,” Pillay said of her daughter. “She's processing that in her own way.”

Slowly, Pillay says her memories are returning, and to fill the void of the ones that haven’t, she’s relied on her loved ones and online community.

“My fiance has had to step up in a big way,” she said. “As a family, we’re just trying to make things work day-to-day.”

@pillay.nesh Everything is fine. My fiancés trauma is funny. #50firstdates #memoryloss #traumaticbraininjury #concussion ♬ Subscribe to QcRiders - Qcriders

According to Brain Injury Canada, depending on the situation, rehabilitation can last a few months to a few years, while some never fully recover. Pillay says she has no idea how long her recovery could take, 

But, through the use of social media, Pillay says she’s connected with others recovering from head injuries and found comfort in the community.

“I just want the public to feel validated, regardless of whatever they're going through, specifically when it comes to things like brain injury, or invisible disabilities,” she said.

“There's no promise that it's going to get better - and that’s okay – I just want people to know that they're not alone because I didn't know that I wasn't alone.”